4 months of making movies and drinking beer (as seen through instagram)

It’s certainly been one heck of a semester.  A recap seems to be in order.  Here – we – go!

I’ve instagram-ed.  A lot.

It’s become my favourite way of capturing moments in my life…particularly the awkward ones like, say, getting stuck in my winter coat.

Here’s what else I’ve been up to these past 4 months:

I arrived in Canada and was greeted by Snowpocalypse 2012.

Silly self-portaits in the snowy woods ensued.

I enjoyed sushi at Spoon & Fork on a lovely Saturday morning.

Then went back for some more with the roomie.

I travelled to Mitchell, Ontario to help make a movie.

And met a friend’s two lovely grandparents (who fed me really well!)

I went grocery shopping.  Repeat by a million times.

And improved on my cooking skills (or at least my food presentation skills!).

Then I decided to have some out of character fun.

Maybe a little too much…

Later, I visited Pizzeria Libretto in downtown TO for some authentic neapolitan pizzas…

And discovered the most delicious affogato ever…drooling as I think about it…

I started taking my modelling career really seriously.

And made another movie.

I went to class.  (it’s fun when your class involves a RED camera eh?)

And started working on another film.

Thought I was going to die from insane stress and exhaustion.

And perhaps nearly did…

I let my room get REALLY messy.

And kept working on that film.

Had a really amazing veggie burger at Thompson Diner in TO.

And kept working on that film.

I saw the arrival of spring.

Did some more homework.

And kept working on that film!!

Went to my first bonfire.

And co-directed a country music video.

Which you can check out here, if you’d like! (supershamelessplug)

Went to the crazy end of year beer olympics bash for some more out of character fun  :)

Got some healthier things back into my diet.  Bye bye poutine!

And finally…finally had time to watch the last instalment of the Harry Potter saga.

So that’s been my life in film school thus far – a long four month journey filled with sleepless nights, lots of hard work and the occasional drunken night out with friends.  It’s been an insane roller coaster of a semester…and now, relaxation calls.

Until the next post…I’ll be sitting back, sipping on coffee and catching up on some zzzzss..

Hope 2012 is going great for you!

When giving up is actually a step towards success

If you know anything about me, then you’d know that I’m one of those people who possesses the fine quality of an all-or-nothing mentality.  Balance and moderation are something that I constantly have to fight for, otherwise I end up finding myself hanging off the edge of one extreme…which, obviously, is never good.

Growing up, I did ballet several times a week so exercising and staying fit was something that I never really had to worry about.  However, when I left the routine of a ballet studio at the age of 15, I was suddenly faced with a world that didn’t include a workout hidden in endless hours of balletic choreography.

backstage at my last ballet show 6 years ago in 2006

I did eventually end up discovering the wonderful world of kick-boxing, cycling, running and adventure racing and it soon became an incredible adrenaline filled adventure of trail running at the crack of dawn, scurrying over mossy river rocks in the dark of night, cycling along busy highways under the heat of the sun and gaining a few battle scars along the way to prove just how hardcore I was.  It was intense, sometimes a little insane, but I loved nearly every moment of it.

climbing through a mangrove forest back in 2007

Fastforward to my gap year after secondary school and somehow my butt began to find itself on the couch a little bit more than it should have…Nearly 2 years later, here I am, unfit as ever, dreaming of the day I’ll be able to ride those 40 miles again and run uphill while carrying a heavy medicine ball.

It’s not to say that I’ve been completely inactive these past few years…it’s just that the pendulum swings back and forth.  I’ve gone from months of no exercise to working out intensely almost every day for 2 months back to no exercise then back to training for and running a 5K to once again not doing very much.  And my biggest reason for this is my all or nothing mentality – where I let missing one workout persuade me to skip another day, another week and eventually end up on the other extreme thinking that if I can’t manage an intense workout then an easier one is not worth it.

my motto

And that’s why this blog post is entitled with the odd phrase “when giving up is actually a step towards success” because somewhere within the last week or so I’ve managed to convince myself to let go of my unrealistic expectations and understand that every little thing (NO MATTER HOW LITTLE) adds up.  I won’t lie though – it actually almost hurts me to think that a half hour of walking and minimal strength training a few times a week might be all I’m able to manage at the moment (busy schedule and a bummed out knee to blame)…but I have to remember that it’s worth something.  It may not necessarily help me lose weight or run the marathon I’d someday like to do, but it’s worth more than the extra 2 hours I spend dabbling on my computer, getting minimal work done and essentially destroying my eyes.

would love to feel this adrenaline rush again! - my first 5K in 2011

So, do I feel like I’m giving up?  Well, knowing where my fitness used to be and what my body was once capable doing…yes, absolutely.  Nevertheless, when I truly reflect on it, I know that it’s just my mind struggling with the idea of starting over and feeling winded at mile 1 instead of mile 5….BUT if my journey back to fitness must start with a slow uphill climb on a treadmill – then so be it!

26.2 miles, here I come!

Do you struggle with an all-or-nothing mentality?  How do you cope with it?

Oh, Hi Canada.

Christmas vacation is over.  I know this because when I looked outside my window this morning, this is what I saw.

It’s incredible how quickly time can fly.  It feels like it was just yesterday that I began this new chapter of my life – of jumping into a new culture, a new education system and a new life as a young and eager college student stepping out on her own.

Now, here I am nearly two years down the road and I feel like I’ve grown, learnt and experienced so much…I’ve been braver than I’ve ever been in my whole life thus far and slowly, I’ve made an effort to put some faith in my dreams and pursue what I want.  It’s not that I want to toot my own horn…in fact, I’m not even sure where this ego trip is coming from tonight…it’s just that sometimes, when I sit in my dorm room and realize that I’m miles away from the place that I truly call home, I remember the younger me – afraid, unsure and not knowing how I would ever survive without my mother at my side.  I remember the girl who was too afraid to make a phone call to a stranger or ask for what she needed.  I remember the girl who lacked confidence in herself.

I’m definitely not all there yet and do have many moments of pure self doubt and insecurity.  I even get really weird phone anxiety still, but knowing that my world won’t shatter to pieces if I stumble over my words or even if someone answers me with the dreaded “no” reminds me that sometimes it’s not so bad to step up and ask for what you need.  In fact, if you never ask, then you may miss out on the opportunity that you’ve been hoping and dreaming about for a long time all because you were too scared to say a sentence.

…Anyhow, I’m not quite sure how the snowy tundra outside my window inspired this quasi-motivational post, but to sum it all up before I get too carried away, here is my message in the midst of all this rambling  (and a huge reminder to myself as I head into possibly another intense semester of work) -

When your confidence fails, listen to your heart and let it speak the words that you are too afraid to say.  Know that you are worthy, that you possess talent and that you CAN DO.  Never let fear be the thing that keeps you silent and holds you back from your dreams.  And never ever give up because every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow and become stronger than the person you are today.

Here’s to a wonderful semester and a brilliant 2012.

And to many more moments of being silly with yourself and laughing till you have a six pack…

Shower Cap a la Glad Bag! – welcome to college kid life!

And We’re Back.

A new week…a new beginning and I’m wearing my sports bra and exercise top in hopes that it’ll be the extra push I need to get a workout in tonight.

life's little surprises...fitting into a top I was avoiding wearing because of my little stress weight gain.

These past couple of weeks have been insane…from the filming of my public service announcement to the pre-production of this semester’s documentary short and dealing with every other demanding assignment in between, I’ve been to the edge of insanity and back a countless number of times.

I’m feeling much more stable now…and no longer wallowing in the depths of depression, sitting in my dark room, bawling and wondering if the hell would ever end (because, yes, that’s just how bad it got).  But 3 weeks of madness has inevitably left me with depleted energy resources and some extra weight that I’m definitely not comfortable with.

Being thin…losing weight…looking hot…whatever.  It’s honestly not the centre of my universe…nor do I even have the time to make those a priority.  I’m more concerned with the quality of my food intake and being fit for the sake of my health and the future marathons and adventure races that I hope to take part in.

I just want to feel good.  I just want to feel healthy and I know that filling myself up on an excess of processed foods…and everything else I set out to avoid this school year (namely bagels and muffins) certainly doesn’t help my cause.

That’s why I’m looking at this week as a fresh start for me.  I’m not aiming to be perfect (at least I will write that as a reminder to myself)…I’m just aiming to gradually get myself back on track by tapering off on the refined sugar and late-night eating and doing more things to keep my mental health in check…like getting some light workouts in and taking impromptu walks in the woods on sunny Sunday mornings…

the woods in autumn...always beautiful

And so with all those tools in place, I am looking forward to smiling more, breathing easier and freaking out a whole lot less as I journey through the next 7 weeks before winter break.

By the way, if for some reason you’ve actually managed to make it through this less than stellar blog post, first of all, thank you for making my words at least have some purpose…and secondly, good luck this week.  Whatever you’re struggling with, wherever you are in your journey of life, I can promise you that it is all worth it and that you will survive.  Trust me…if I’ve survived the mental chaos of these last couple of weeks, you will make it through too!

Happy Monday!

Life is Better When…

Life is better when I don’t have to force myself to go to the gym to get some minimal form of exercise in…

it's either too cold or too dark outside...so back to the gym it is!

Life is better when the laundry, dishes and garbage take care of themselves (though they never actually do)…

the sink gets like this every few days...let's not even talk about the garbage bin..

Life is better when Mum makes the dinner and all I have to do is grab a fork…

keeping it wholesome - college style. Frozen pizza, cauliflower and kale...an absolutely delicious combination!

Life is better when I’m not crumbling under work that seems unending and impossible…

snapping a photo of myself working on a big project...clearly not struggling enough yet!

Point is…on any given day, we can probably find something that we think is holding us back from achieving a utopian existence.  But, what good does it do us if we keep focusing on the negative?

Yes, we are allowed to feel torn down…we are allowed to curl into a ball on the bed and sob…but we also have to pick up ourselves, wipe away the tears and put one foot in front the other.

As you might be able to tell from this post, I’ve been having a couple of rough days..blame it on the dreary weather, blame it on the growing pains from school…but it’s truly been a personal struggle to keep my head above the water this week.

I honestly was trying to wait until this low period blew over before writing another post, but since this blog is a reflection of my life, I feel like it’s only right to share the less glamorous moments of me learning to stand on my own two feet.  At least I am now in a place where I can reflect upon the emotional roller coaster of this last week and come away with something that I’d like to think is a bit of wisdom.

And what is this wisdom?

1) PMS is clearly to blame.

2) Homemade nachos help to ease the pain.

But, most importantly,

3) Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m Possible”.

…Alright, so I might have stolen that quote from Audrey Hepburn…but I can guarantee you that it totally applies because even the most daunting of situations…(like realizing that the organization you’re researching is closed all week and only reopens the day that your project is due)…is not insurmountable.

Some way, somehow, it will all work out.  And even if it doesn’t go according to plan, well then, you’ve certainly learned a very valuable that procrastination is a silent killer and that you better get working on the next project the day your teacher assigns it!

my pick me up - my homemade nachos with hummus and salsa on the side

Little Victories

Today I pitched an idea for a PSA (Public Service Announcement) in my Film and Broadcast class.

I was nervous, shaking and anxious…yet incredibly excited to finally share something that I’m passionate about in hopes that those who listened would see the value in my idea too.

I spoke and the teachers seemed intrigued.  I felt hopeful that perhaps my chance to create something meaningful had arrived.

But, unfortunately, the class voted and my idea received the lowest score…so I accepted the reality — Yet again Patrice is second best…third best…maybe not even best.

But then something happened.

The teachers spoke up for my idea and though they couldn’t change my classmates’ opinions, they had the authority and had made a decision.  (It’s not exactly majority vote, but hey I’ll take it!)

So now, I’ve been given the opportunity to create a PSA on a topic that I hold near to my heart…which, if successful, might actually have a greater purpose than simply getting my group and me a decent mark.

So what is this PSA about?  Well, it’s about eating disorders…specifically, seeking out help for your struggles so that you may find the life and happiness that awaits you in recovery.  Pitching this idea today was like presenting my soul to a room of blank faces, not knowing whether they’d understand or even care about this issue that touches the lives of so many people around us each day.

And that’s why I feel so grateful to have been given the chance to make this PSA…because for me, it’s not just a school project…it’s a little personal victory that I can proudly store up on the shelves of my memories…and, moreover, it’s something that I feel is an opportunity from God to use my talents to make even the slightest difference in this world.

…And for the first time in a long time, I finally feel like I belong in this program with all the creative, imaginative and excellent people surrounding me…and that, today, is the greatest victory of them all.

taken almost a year ago with some classmates after a shoot. (i'm the girl on the far right of the bottom row)

That Happy Moment When…

…I’m grabbing my wallet and key to buy a pack of cookies from the vending machine in my lobby…when suddenly I find myself washing some blueberries and blackberries and mixing them into a mug filled with yogurt.

favourite yogurt ever.

After a particularly indulgent weekend week, I was thinking “ehh cookies…why the heck not!” but, in some sudden epiphany, decided that yogurt for late night treat would be much much better.

So maybe it’s not as attractive as those double chocolate chip cookies could have been, but honestly, it’s exactly what my body needed tonight and was so much more satisfying!  Ohh greek yogurt…how I do love thee…

In other news, I have to confess that I’ve been a total bum this past week…even sleeping until the sluggish hour of 11 a.m. on Saturday…so I am definitely looking forward to a new week of less laziness and more physical activity!

This gloomy fall weather has really been doing a number on my energy levels.  I know it will be a challenge to push myself to workout this week, especially as things are about to get hectic school-wise…but if running races is anywhere in my near future, then challenge accepted!  I will be back to report on how amazing (or painful) my exercise session is tomorrow!

And finally…

Do you see the plumbobs!!

Tonight, I’m making real life sims!!  This is one of the more fulfilling parts of being a Media Arts student…getting to draw on your own life experiences and bring them into your work!  (how sad is it that I count the game Sims as one of my life experiences?!)

Wishing you all a great week ahead!