The Post With The Unfortunate Shoe Metaphor

Hey there!  Guess who’s back again!

It’s everyone’s favourite delinquent blogger, Patrice!  Yes indeed.  I’m here and I’m ready, so 1….2….3….let’s go!!

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Coming back to the blog after several months of sporadic posting, I couldn’t quite figure out where to begin or what to write.  In fact, I was almost a little embarrassed to begin posting again after quietly fading away from the blog for a third time last November.  As the weeks rolled on and the new year rolled in, I found myself wanting more and more to write something…anything, but totally out of words and ideas for posts.  Having spent the last two years trying to make this space into an inspiring healthy living blog, just the thought about once again putting an intense focus on my life habits made me a bit nervous.   I’d been down that path before and, even though it works beautifully for some bloggers, it just didn’t work for me.  So, between my new internship and working on my thesis film at school, I did some thinking and today, as I put pen to paper (or technically fingers to keyboard) I’ve finally got the courage to embark on a new writing adventure.  (An encouraging email from a kind supporter also helped greatly and I owe so much of this post to her!)

For a lot of my life, I’ve been a highly strung kid who has tried to fit herself into a lot of different shoes.  Some were too high, too narrow, too small or too big, but I’d work my hardest to squeeze my dinosaur feet into them and feel pretty damn lame when I couldn’t walk gracefully.  But recently, something has changed in me and although it’s taken a few years of sore and blistered feet, I’ve finally found the courage to look for the pair that fits me (even if it’s not what the cool kids are wearing) and I think I’m pretty close to finding the perfect fit.  To reel in that unnecessarily elaborate (and probably unsuccessful) metaphor, at the age of twenty-one and after spending years of hating on myself and basing my self-esteem on the comparisons I make with those around me, I’ve finally begun to feel comfortable in my own skin..and dare I say, I’m quite proud of who I am becoming.

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Which is why today, as I begin to blog again, I’m taking the pressure off.  No more trying to fit myself into the mould of what I think a healthy living blogger should be.  No more worrying about what people will think or say about my posts (or even worse, that no one will read my posts at all!).  No more comparing my blog to all the other blogs out there and feeling like it’s just not good and will never be good enough.  The fact is, all I’ve ever really wanted to do with this blog is to just write and, from today, I’m going to do just that.  I’m simply going to write and write and write and really find out if this is something that I can actually be good at and be passionate about.  It’s about time that I start being true to myself and stop being afraid to walk my own path…or as Robert Frost liked to call it, “the road less travelled by”…because it does indeed “make all the difference”.

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So here we go.  Another post to mark another new beginning….and this one has been long overdue!

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A Quick Word!

Just wanted to post a quick little something to keep the ball rolling!  This won’t be a long, well-worded one as I’m pulling a major granny move and heading to bed at 10:30pm on a Thursday night (super early for a college kid).  But just so you know that I’m still alive and kicking (and obviously not going MIA on the blog), here are some photos to show you what I’ve been up to these past 2 weeks…

The winter coat made its first appearance for the season…it may not be snowing yet, but the chill of the coming winter is definitely in the air.

Part home-cooked, part delivery…I made an attempt to get some healthier things back into my diet (namely veggies)!

asparagus with swiss chalet chicken, baked potato and multigrain roll

Mushrooms and goat cheese on a bed of spinach!

healthy noms (a roasted veggie panini and greek salad) while at a casting session for a film i was working on!

And treated myself to an at-home sushi dinner  :)

cali roll, dynamite roll, miso soup and edamame

I managed to get something like 15 hours of sleep over the course of 7 days (that’s totally healthy right?) while working on the preproduction of another film and ended up doing crazy things as you’ll see below.

I created a smilie face reward system for my team and me as we pulled an all-nighter working hard on our pre-production binder…

Can you spot the Harry Potter smilie!?

…And then started to use my arm as notepad when using actual paper somehow became too inconvenient.

Nevertheless, I did my best to eat healthy on an unforgiving schedule.  I didn’t always win, but here was one of the better moments.

Greek yogurt and a mixed fruit bowl

Soon, I found myself up in beautiful Wasaga Beach for the first time, ready to shoot the movie that my team and I had spent tireless hours planning.

Here’s one of the Producer and me living the glamorous life (sitting in the back of a pick-up truck in a trailer park!)

There were also lots of beautiful moments…

And, like a good Production Manager, I fed the masses and had everyone calling me “mum” by the end of the 4 days.  Needless to say, the experience of cooking for more than just one person was pretty challenging, but something that I quite enjoyed.

soup and chilli for all!

Though, truth be told, I did have some very good help in the kitchen ;)

My new friend, Marco Salvador!

Unfortunately, the crazy days have taken their toll…

Back from Wasaga, sitting in the hallway at school

And now I’m *cough cough*…*sniffle*…guzzling a bowl of tom yum lemongrass soup, trying my best to fend off the flu.

Delivery sushi dinner helps too right?

Now I’m going to hit the light switch and snuggle up in my bed to an episode of the Big Bang Theory.  I hate taking nights off but my body is really rundown and sometimes, my health just has to come first!  So until the next post, Goodnight!

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A Taste of the Future

Good morning Oakville!Image

Yes, you heard me.  Good morning!

That photo was my view this morning as I stood on the street outside my apartment waiting for the 6 a.m. bus that would begin my journey to Toronto for my first internship interview at Lone Eagle Entertainment.  It’s a good thing I’m a morning person (yes, waking up at 6 a.m. is actually something that I enjoy) because there’ll be a whole lot of this in the near future if my interviews are successful!

It’s been a hectic past couple of weeks and with all the mistreating that I’ve been doing to my body (read: extreme sugar and carb overload), I’m definitely worse for wear because of it and don’t feel as good as I should!

I’ve been doing the good old song and dance of “I’ll eat better tomorrow!”, “no more junk tomorrow!” and, sadly, that tomorrow has been about 5 weeks in the making.  So, as of today, all the pastries and muffins and bags of candy are getting the boot – not permanently by any means as I’ve learned that deprivation isn’t the answer to living a healthy life…but I’m definitely cutting down my intake of those foods significantly.  It’s not going to be easy, especially as a busy, stressed out college student…but it’s a commitment that I have to make if I’d like to see myself not get diagnosed with diabetes in the next 5 years.  Yes, I’ve eaten that much sugar in the past 5 weeks.

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 So, how does one begin such a feat?  Well, with no time to make breakfast, I grabbed a fruit and nut bar for my train ride into Toronto.  Taste of Nature is probably one of my favourite snack bars ever and I’m so glad I discovered them two years ago!

With some time to spare, i.e. a full two and a half hours before my interview (cause I’m a crazy person like that), I had a few minutes to chill out, do some research and grab a smoothie from Jugo Juice.  It was the “Raspberry Rush” with raspberries, strawberries, cranberry juice and lowfat yogurt…so yum, so delicious, so berry berry good :)

ImageThe funny part was that I got to drink it while staring directly at the Cinnabon shop inhaling the inviting aroma.  What away to start off my healthy day! :P

Once I was done, I rejoined the insane sea of people on their morning commute and started making my way to the find the Lone Eagle building.  Even though I’ve been up in Canada for two and a half years, there’s always that itty bit of touristy excitement that pops up in me whenever I find myself in downtown Toronto.  It always feels like an adventure, being one tiny person finding my way through the bright lights and the big city.

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After finding the building and easing my fears, I still had an extra hour to spare and did some work at a nearby Second Cup with a bowl of apple and almond oatmeal to kill the time.

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I actually didn’t have the highest of expectations for this oatmeal…thinking it might have been too sweet or too milky…but it was actually good.  Though it was a tad bit too sweet for my liking, the oats weren’t the processed, instant kind, which scores a happy checkmark in my book.  It was nice and warm too, which is exactly what I needed after being out in the freezing cold.

Then…the interview happened.  And all of the sleep that I lost last night worrying about accidentally sleeping in, missing my train, getting squashed in the sardine can that is rush hour, being late to the interview and then being the most awkward turtle, unable to convey exactly how excited I am to learn in a real television production environment with real industry people, was totally worth it.  It was a great experience and I left with a smile on my face.

So how does one celebrate?

With food…of course!

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Before grabbing the train back to Oakville, I stopped off at O&B at TIFF and grabbed a sandwich and some coffee.

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Oh yes, hold on to your horses people…because that sandwich was so good, I could barely stop myself from attacking it before managing to take a photo.  It was a tofu sandwich with japanese mayo.  What japanese mayo is, I may never know, but it was undoubtedly one of the most flavourful and delicious sandwiches I’ve ever had.  And they say vegetarian meals are boring…PFFT.

Now, with a successful day behind me and a long night of studying ahead of me, it’s definitely time to sign off and starting doing some work.  The stress never stops, but it’s days like these help to make the challenges of my school life more bearable.

Yay for small victiories!

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Cafes and Crazy Days

Laptop open, fingers at the ready.  Moment To Memory is back for the blogging!

It’s been a solid seven months since I last posted and I honestly can’t believe the time has flown by so fast!  Spring…Summer…Fall…where have I been all this time!?

Well, a great portion of it was spent enjoying the warmth (and the food!) of the beautiful island of Trinidad that I am so very lucky to call home.

Shark and Bake…so heavenly!

Some was spent regaining the fitness that I lose every time I head back up to college (I’m doing a good job at losing it again right now!)

morning medicine ball workouts with Binky the personal trainer!

And the rest was spent somewhere between reconnecting with my best gals…

…liming under the mango tree…

Hanging out (or liming as we say in Trinidad) at Shakers on the Avenue, my favourite night spot.

…having an adventure in making peanut butter…

And, most importantly…turning the big 21!

Now, I’ve been back at film school (my final year!!) for just over 2 months and it’s been a crazy whirlwind already.  From juggling key positions on several short films with an endless slew of assignments, coupled with my search for an internship, it’s been one hectic, stressful, insane semester thus far…one that I am trying to savour as this once in a lifetime experience draws nearer and nearer to its end.

 And now, with the encouragement of some wise people, I’m back on the blog to share the little details of my life once more!

 There will be food (guaranteed) and there will be fitness (not-so-guanteed but positive thinking right!?).  But, most importantly, there will be a little blurb that pops up in this corner of the internet once or twice a week in hopes that you’ll come back to share in the moments that make up my life.

I’d love to share in yours too.

Until the next, I’ll be sitting at a cafe, enjoying some noms and typing the days away!

Happy Monday!

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4 months of making movies and drinking beer (as seen through instagram)

It’s certainly been one heck of a semester.  A recap seems to be in order.  Here – we – go!

I’ve instagram-ed.  A lot.

It’s become my favourite way of capturing moments in my life…particularly the awkward ones like, say, getting stuck in my winter coat.

Here’s what else I’ve been up to these past 4 months:

I arrived in Canada and was greeted by Snowpocalypse 2012.

Silly self-portaits in the snowy woods ensued.

I enjoyed sushi at Spoon & Fork on a lovely Saturday morning.

Then went back for some more with the roomie.

I travelled to Mitchell, Ontario to help make a movie.

And met a friend’s two lovely grandparents (who fed me really well!)

I went grocery shopping.  Repeat by a million times.

And improved on my cooking skills (or at least my food presentation skills!).

Then I decided to have some out of character fun.

Maybe a little too much…

Later, I visited Pizzeria Libretto in downtown TO for some authentic neapolitan pizzas…

And discovered the most delicious affogato ever…drooling as I think about it…

I started taking my modelling career really seriously.

And made another movie.

I went to class.  (it’s fun when your class involves a RED camera eh?)

And started working on another film.

Thought I was going to die from insane stress and exhaustion.

And perhaps nearly did…

I let my room get REALLY messy.

And kept working on that film.

Had a really amazing veggie burger at Thompson Diner in TO.

And kept working on that film.

I saw the arrival of spring.

Did some more homework.

And kept working on that film!!

Went to my first bonfire.

And co-directed a country music video.

Which you can check out here, if you’d like! (supershamelessplug)

Went to the crazy end of year beer olympics bash for some more out of character fun  :)

Got some healthier things back into my diet.  Bye bye poutine!

And finally…finally had time to watch the last instalment of the Harry Potter saga.

So that’s been my life in film school thus far – a long four month journey filled with sleepless nights, lots of hard work and the occasional drunken night out with friends.  It’s been an insane roller coaster of a semester…and now, relaxation calls.

Until the next post…I’ll be sitting back, sipping on coffee and catching up on some zzzzss..

Hope 2012 is going great for you!

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When giving up is actually a step towards success

If you know anything about me, then you’d know that I’m one of those people who possesses the fine quality of an all-or-nothing mentality.  Balance and moderation are something that I constantly have to fight for, otherwise I end up finding myself hanging off the edge of one extreme…which, obviously, is never good.

Growing up, I did ballet several times a week so exercising and staying fit was something that I never really had to worry about.  However, when I left the routine of a ballet studio at the age of 15, I was suddenly faced with a world that didn’t include a workout hidden in endless hours of balletic choreography.

backstage at my last ballet show 6 years ago in 2006

I did eventually end up discovering the wonderful world of kick-boxing, cycling, running and adventure racing and it soon became an incredible adrenaline filled adventure of trail running at the crack of dawn, scurrying over mossy river rocks in the dark of night, cycling along busy highways under the heat of the sun and gaining a few battle scars along the way to prove just how hardcore I was.  It was intense, sometimes a little insane, but I loved nearly every moment of it.

climbing through a mangrove forest back in 2007

Fastforward to my gap year after secondary school and somehow my butt began to find itself on the couch a little bit more than it should have…Nearly 2 years later, here I am, unfit as ever, dreaming of the day I’ll be able to ride those 40 miles again and run uphill while carrying a heavy medicine ball.

It’s not to say that I’ve been completely inactive these past few years…it’s just that the pendulum swings back and forth.  I’ve gone from months of no exercise to working out intensely almost every day for 2 months back to no exercise then back to training for and running a 5K to once again not doing very much.  And my biggest reason for this is my all or nothing mentality – where I let missing one workout persuade me to skip another day, another week and eventually end up on the other extreme thinking that if I can’t manage an intense workout then an easier one is not worth it.

my motto

And that’s why this blog post is entitled with the odd phrase “when giving up is actually a step towards success” because somewhere within the last week or so I’ve managed to convince myself to let go of my unrealistic expectations and understand that every little thing (NO MATTER HOW LITTLE) adds up.  I won’t lie though – it actually almost hurts me to think that a half hour of walking and minimal strength training a few times a week might be all I’m able to manage at the moment (busy schedule and a bummed out knee to blame)…but I have to remember that it’s worth something.  It may not necessarily help me lose weight or run the marathon I’d someday like to do, but it’s worth more than the extra 2 hours I spend dabbling on my computer, getting minimal work done and essentially destroying my eyes.

would love to feel this adrenaline rush again! - my first 5K in 2011

So, do I feel like I’m giving up?  Well, knowing where my fitness used to be and what my body was once capable doing…yes, absolutely.  Nevertheless, when I truly reflect on it, I know that it’s just my mind struggling with the idea of starting over and feeling winded at mile 1 instead of mile 5….BUT if my journey back to fitness must start with a slow uphill climb on a treadmill – then so be it!

26.2 miles, here I come!

Do you struggle with an all-or-nothing mentality?  How do you cope with it?

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Oh, Hi Canada.

Christmas vacation is over.  I know this because when I looked outside my window this morning, this is what I saw.

It’s incredible how quickly time can fly.  It feels like it was just yesterday that I began this new chapter of my life – of jumping into a new culture, a new education system and a new life as a young and eager college student stepping out on her own.

Now, here I am nearly two years down the road and I feel like I’ve grown, learnt and experienced so much…I’ve been braver than I’ve ever been in my whole life thus far and slowly, I’ve made an effort to put some faith in my dreams and pursue what I want.  It’s not that I want to toot my own horn…in fact, I’m not even sure where this ego trip is coming from tonight…it’s just that sometimes, when I sit in my dorm room and realize that I’m miles away from the place that I truly call home, I remember the younger me – afraid, unsure and not knowing how I would ever survive without my mother at my side.  I remember the girl who was too afraid to make a phone call to a stranger or ask for what she needed.  I remember the girl who lacked confidence in herself.

I’m definitely not all there yet and do have many moments of pure self doubt and insecurity.  I even get really weird phone anxiety still, but knowing that my world won’t shatter to pieces if I stumble over my words or even if someone answers me with the dreaded “no” reminds me that sometimes it’s not so bad to step up and ask for what you need.  In fact, if you never ask, then you may miss out on the opportunity that you’ve been hoping and dreaming about for a long time all because you were too scared to say a sentence.

…Anyhow, I’m not quite sure how the snowy tundra outside my window inspired this quasi-motivational post, but to sum it all up before I get too carried away, here is my message in the midst of all this rambling  (and a huge reminder to myself as I head into possibly another intense semester of work) -

When your confidence fails, listen to your heart and let it speak the words that you are too afraid to say.  Know that you are worthy, that you possess talent and that you CAN DO.  Never let fear be the thing that keeps you silent and holds you back from your dreams.  And never ever give up because every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow and become stronger than the person you are today.

Here’s to a wonderful semester and a brilliant 2012.

And to many more moments of being silly with yourself and laughing till you have a six pack…

Shower Cap a la Glad Bag! – welcome to college kid life!

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