Hey there stranger! I know it’s been almost 3 days since I last posted anything, but after feeling like I’ve had nothing to say, I finally have something worthy of a blog post!
It’s called The Experiment, and here’s why:
As a media arts college student, living on your own for the first time while balancing a heavy workload and a healthy lifestyle is extremely difficult. Throw sleepless nights and a decent amount of stress into the equation, and it’s almost impossible.
For the first few weeks of “transforming my lifestyle”, I was highly motivated, sticking with my daily exercise and (mostly) clean eating. But one thing I noticed was that I was not exactly happy. I was proud of what I was doing, but was constantly stressed. I worried every day how I would wake up at 5:30 a.m. to workout when I’d go to bed at 1 o’ clock and how I would prepare healthy meals when I barely had time to do homework.
Over the last two months, I’ve gone from extreme healthy eating to binge eating; from working out everyday to practically nothing. And every step of the way, I’ve fought myself, my feelings and my habits. It’s not been pretty…and I’m tired of it.
I most definitely have not given up my hopes of attaining a healthy lifestyle, but I feel like it’s time to take a different approach.
So, an experiment begins. It may be crazy, but as I’ve come to realize, I’m on a journey of self-discovery (and at 19 years old, I think I’m allowed to take a few wild turns).
As of 2 days ago, all the rules went out of the window. I can eat what I what, when I want and as much as I want. It’s not to say that I’m going to be gluttony personified and scarf down an entire pizza in one sitting. I’m being sensible about things, but giving myself freedom. A lot of the time, I overeat because I’ve pledged to start anew the next day and want to enjoy my last day of “freedom” before “restriction” begins. It’s clearly not the healthiest relationship with food and it’s something I really want to lose.
At this point, things have been looking okay…and mentally, I feel relaxed and content with my eating. Even though I’ve had a muffin and a cookie here or there, I’ve also had a fantastic share of fruits and veggies…and most importantly, I have not gone drastically overboard. I’ve been able to recognize and acknowledge hunger cues.
I’m simply observing my eating habits and almost letting my body work out its issues for itself.
Perhaps I am insane for loosening my grip on myself like this, but I’m only doing it in the hope that one day I will not have to think so hard about what to feed my body. One day, I know it will be natural and instinctive and that these challenging days of self-discovery will be but a memory that I can look back on and feel proud knowing how far I’ve come.
So what do you think?