The Experiment

Hey there stranger!  I know it’s been almost 3 days since I last posted anything, but after feeling like I’ve had nothing to say, I finally have something worthy of a blog post!

It’s called The Experiment, and here’s why:

As a media arts college student, living on your own for the first time while balancing a heavy workload and a healthy lifestyle is extremely difficult.  Throw sleepless nights and a decent amount of stress into the equation, and it’s almost impossible.

For the first few weeks of “transforming my lifestyle”, I was highly motivated, sticking with my daily exercise and (mostly) clean eating.  But one thing I noticed was that I was not exactly happy.  I was proud of what I was doing, but was constantly stressed.  I worried every day how I would wake up at 5:30 a.m. to workout when I’d go to bed at 1 o’ clock and how I would prepare healthy meals when I barely had time to do homework.

Over the last two months, I’ve gone from extreme healthy eating to binge eating; from working out everyday to practically nothing.  And every step of the way, I’ve fought myself, my feelings and my habits.  It’s not been pretty…and I’m tired of it.

I most definitely have not given up my hopes of attaining a healthy lifestyle, but I feel like it’s time to take a different approach.

So, an experiment begins.  It may be crazy, but as I’ve come to realize, I’m on a journey of self-discovery (and at 19 years old, I think I’m allowed to take a few wild turns).

As of 2 days ago, all the rules went out of the window.  I can eat what I what, when I want and as much as I want.  It’s not to say that I’m going to be gluttony personified and scarf down an entire pizza in one sitting.  I’m being sensible about things, but giving myself freedom.  A lot of the time, I overeat because I’ve pledged to start anew the next day and want to enjoy my last day of “freedom” before “restriction” begins.  It’s clearly not the healthiest relationship with food and it’s something I really want to lose.

At this point, things have been looking okay…and mentally, I feel relaxed and content with my eating.  Even though I’ve had a muffin and a cookie here or there, I’ve also had a fantastic share of fruits and veggies…and most importantly, I have not gone drastically overboard.  I’ve been able to recognize and acknowledge hunger cues.

I’m simply observing my eating habits and almost letting my body work out its issues for itself.

Perhaps I am insane for loosening my grip on myself like this, but I’m only doing it in the hope that one day I will not have to think so hard about what to feed my body.  One day, I know it will be natural and instinctive and that these challenging days of self-discovery will be but a memory that I can look back on and feel proud knowing how far I’ve come.

So what do you think?

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5 Responses to The Experiment

  1. Recipe Chefs says:

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  2. Michael Cory says:

    I think that we are our worst enemies when it comes to beating down our self-esteem. I think one needs to pursue whatever it is that pleases you (it can take a lot of self-introspection to figure out exactly what that is!), whether it’s the “right” thing or not. Hell, sometimes the “not right” thing is a whole lot more fun. Over the long run, though, I think you find yourself in that spot where you fully accept something, whether it be healthy eating, exercise, community service, or whatever, and it becomes just another part of the myriad of things that makes you, well, you. Then eating healthy becomes easier because that’s what you really want, and you’re not just doing it b/c it’s what you’re supposed to do.

    You, like me, will always beat ourselves up- we always feel like we should be doing more, better, faster, and it’s never good enough. But when you REALLY own that realization, you can begin to let go of the stress that comes with this character trait… and you can begin to let go of all those should’ve’s and would’ves and just live for what you want. Just keep in mind that this character trait can either pin you down in the depths of depression, or it can motivate you to greatness. It’s no coincidence that many of the world’s most successful people are also the most hard on themselves. The key is harnessing the strength and power to leverage this trait to create value and inspire, not just knowck you down. No easy thing to do, but it happens in steps and becomes easier and more natural as you experience successes and realize that everything’s gonna not just be OK- it’s gonna be great! I mean, when wsa thee last time that you really failed when you put your mind to something? Probably never- so why shouold it be any different in the future?

    It’s a lifelong journey, but I do think it comes more with age- so fret not, it’s normal. Remember that the things we’ll remember on our deathbed are not how tight our abs were, but rather the relationships we had, the experiences we lived and the satisfaction of knowing that you took ownership of your life and left a beautiful mark on the world…

    Hang in there cuz… just don’t make Tim Horton donuts a habit;-)

    • Patrice says:

      you have no idea how much everything you’ve said means to me 🙂 it gives me hope that everything i go through actually has a reason and purpose! it’ll only make me stronger. wise words from a wise cousin. thanks for always looking out for me and inspiring me cuz. *hugs*

  3. cbrady3 says:

    I think it’s a fantastic thing to try. I too get caught up in my routine and rules – it’s hard to let go but so good for us! Good luck.

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